The best parenting advice

 

The best parenting advice

Many people claim that being a parent is the most fulfilling—and difficult—job in the world. No manual exists for raising a child, yet the responsibility carries lifelong consequences. Fortunately, decades of psychological, neurological, and sociological research provide insight into what works best.

1. Establish a Secure Attachment Early On

One of the most critical aspects of early childhood is forming a secure attachment between parent and child. According to psychologist John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory, secure attachment forms when caregivers consistently respond to their infant’s needs with sensitivity and reliability.

A landmark study by Mary Ainsworth (1978) found that children with secure attachment are more likely to explore their environment, handle stress better, and form healthier relationships later in life. A secure bond in infancy has also been linked to better emotional regulation and academic performance.

Tip: Be physically present and emotionally responsive. Talk to your infant often, hold them, give them a hug, and look them in the eye. Meeting their needs as soon as possible fosters security and trust.

2. Practice Authoritative Parenting

Parenting styles, as categorized by psychologist Diana Baumrind (1967), include authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful. When it comes to them, authoritative parenting always produces the best results.

An authoritative parent sets clear expectations but combines them with warmth and respect. They listen to their children’s opinions, encourage independence, but maintain structure and discipline.

A meta-analysis of over 40 studies published in the journal Developmental Psychology (Steinberg, 2001) found that children raised by authoritative parents were more likely to exhibit competence, academic success, self-esteem, and psychological well-being.

Tip: Be firm but kind. Create rules and boundaries, but allow children to express themselves, ask questions, and make age-appropriate choices.

3. Focus on Emotional Coaching

Children are naturally emotional and need guidance to understand and express their feelings. Dr. John Gottman’s research on “emotion coaching” shows that parents who help their children label and process emotions (rather than dismissing or punishing them) raise more emotionally intelligent kids.

In his book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, Gottman emphasizes five steps:

• Be aware of the child’s emotions.

• Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.

• Listen empathetically.

• Help the child label emotions.

• Set limits and help solve problems.

According to research in Emotion (2002), children with emotionally responsive parents have better social competence and fewer behavioral problems.

Tip: When your child is upset, don’t just tell them to "stop crying." Instead, say something like, “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated. Let’s talk about it.”

4. Encourage a Growth Mindset

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck coined the terms “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset.” A fixed mindset assumes abilities are static, while a growth mindset believes abilities can be developed through effort.

Her research (2006) demonstrated that children praised for effort rather than intelligence are more likely to embrace challenges and persevere in the face of failure.

Advice: Try saying "You worked really hard on this, and it shows" rather than "You're so smart."

5. Limit but Do Not Ban Screen Time

Technology is a double-edged sword in modern parenting. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends no screen time for children under 18 months (except video chatting) and no more than one hour per day of high-quality programming for children aged 2–5.

A study published in JAMA Pediatrics (2019) linked excessive screen time in toddlers to developmental delays in language, motor, and social skills by preschool age.

However, banning screens entirely can backfire. Research in Pediatrics (2017) suggests that moderate use of technology—especially educational content—can have positive effects when co-viewed with parents.

Tip: Use technology as a shared activity. Choose age-appropriate, educational content and discuss it with your child.

6. Be a Role Model

Youngsters mimic more what they observe than what they are told. According to Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory (1977), observational learning plays a significant role in a child’s development.

If a child sees a parent handle stress calmly, apologize when wrong, eat healthily, or treat others with kindness, they are more likely to adopt these behaviors.

Tip: Model the behavior you want to see in your child. Youngsters mimic more what they observe than what they are told.

7. Establish Routines

Predictability gives children a sense of control and security.  Self-regulation helps maintain emotional stability, enhance sleep quality, and foster personal discipline.

A study published in The Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics (2009) found that consistent bedtime routines were associated with better sleep and cognitive development in preschool-aged children.

Daily routines also support academic success. Research from Child Development (2014) linked home routines to better time management and reduced behavioral issues.

Tip: Create consistent routines for waking up, mealtimes, homework, play, and bedtime. Flexibility is okay, but structure builds confidence.

8. Praise Effort, Not Outcome

While encouragement is vital, overpraising or praising the wrong things can backfire. Lavishing praise on traits like intelligence or beauty can make children more risk-averse or anxious.

A seminal study in Child Development (1998) by Mueller & Dweck found that children praised for being “smart” were more likely to avoid challenging tasks and give up when they failed. Conversely, kids praised for effort persisted longer and enjoyed tasks more.

Saying "I'm proud of how hard you worked" rather than "You're the best" is a good tip.

9. Discipline with Respect, Not Shame

Discipline should teach, not punish. Harsh punishments, yelling, or public shaming can damage self-esteem and create fear-based compliance.

A study in Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry (2013) found that physical punishment was linked to increased aggression and antisocial behavior, even in the long term.

Positive discipline strategies—like time-ins, logical consequences, and consistent follow-through—foster internal regulation and accountability.

Tip: Use calm, consistent consequences. Explain the why behind rules and focus on teaching, not punishing.

10. Foster Independence

It’s tempting to do everything for your child to prevent frustration or failure, but over-parenting can hinder resilience.

Psychologist Wendy Grolnick found that children whose parents encouraged autonomy were more motivated and performed better academically. Over-controlling parents, on the other hand, often raise children who are anxious or helpless in the face of challenges.

Tip: Let kids make age-appropriate choices—even if they mess up. Learning from failure builds strength.

11. Create a Language-Rich Environment

Talking to your child—and encouraging them to talk—has massive developmental benefits. The famous “30 million word gap” study by Hart & Risley (1995) found that children from language-rich households had significantly higher IQs and academic success.

More recent research in Pediatrics (2018) emphasized the quality of conversation: back-and-forth exchanges, or “serve and return” interactions, are most beneficial for brain development.

Tip: Narrate what you're doing, ask open-ended questions, read aloud daily, and encourage storytelling.

12. Take Care of Yourself

Parental mental health directly impacts children. Chronic parental stress or depression can lead to emotional or behavioral issues in kids.

A study in Psychological Science (2011) found that children of depressed mothers had altered brain activity in areas linked to emotion regulation.

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Children thrive with emotionally available, mentally healthy parents.

Tip: Prioritize your well-being. Seek support, rest, and engage in hobbies. A calm, happy parent nurtures a calm, happy child.

Conclusion

The best parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present, responsive, and open to learning. Scientific research consistently shows that warmth, structure, empathy, and modeling are the foundations of raising well-adjusted children. With compassion and consistency, parents can provide the safe space every child needs to grow into a confident, capable adult.

References

1. Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation.

2. Baumrind, D. (1967). Child care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs.

3. Steinberg, L. (2001). We know some things: Parent–adolescent relationships in retrospect and prospect. Developmental Psychology.

4. Gottman, J. (1997). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.

5. Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

6. American Academy of Pediatrics. (2016). Media and Young Minds. Pediatrics.

7. Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory.

8. Mindell, J. A., et al. (2009). Sleep patterns and sleep disruptions in school-aged children. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics.

9. Mueller, C. M., & Dweck, C. S. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children's motivation and performance. Child Development.

10. Gershoff, E. T. (2013). Spanking and child development: We know enough now to stop hitting our children. Child Development Perspectives.

11. Hart, B., & Risley, T. R. (1995). Meaningful Differences in the Everyday Experience of Young American Children.

12. Romeo, R. R., et al. (2018). Beyond the 30-Million-Word Gap: Children's Conversational Exposure Is Associated With Language-Related Brain Function. Pediatrics.

13. Feldman, R. (2015). The adaptive human parental brain: implications for children's social development. Trends in Neurosciences.