Politeness
The Significance of Civility in Human Interaction
Introduction
Politeness (Wikipedia) is more than just good manners or etiquette, it is a fundamental social tool that shapes the fabric of human relationships. Across cultures, politeness serves as a mechanism to reduce friction, express respect, and maintain social harmony. Though often taken for granted, politeness plays a vital role in communication, psychology, and social dynamics. In this article, we explore the psychology and science behind politeness, its role in social interaction, its cultural variations, and how it impacts both individuals and society.
Defining Politeness
Politeness can be defined as behavior that is respectful, considerate, and mindful of others’ feelings and social norms. According to linguists Brown and Levinson (1987), politeness is a strategic way of managing interpersonal relationships and minimizing social conflict. They argue that politeness arises from the need to protect one’s self-image—or face—as well as the face of others.
Politeness is often expressed through:
Courteous language (e.g., "please," "thank you")
Deference (e.g., yielding in conversation)
Tact (e.g., softening criticism)
Respect for personal boundaries
Theories of Politeness
1. Brown and Levinson’s Politeness Theory
Their seminal theory (1987) is rooted in the concept of face, divided into:
Positive face: The desire to be liked, appreciated, and approved.
Negative face: The desire to act freely without imposition.
Politeness strategies are used to preserve these faces:
Bald on-record: Direct and unambiguous.
Positive politeness: Shows friendliness and camaraderie.
Negative politeness: Respects personal space and autonomy.
Off-record: Indirect and subtle.
2. Leech’s Politeness Maxims
Leech (1983) proposed that politeness arises from adherence to social maxims:
Tact
Generosity
Approbation
Modesty
Agreement
Sympathy
Politeness and Cognitive Psychology
From a psychological perspective, politeness is linked to cognitive and emotional processes such as empathy, impulse control, and theory of mind (ToM). ToM, the ability to attribute mental states to others, allows individuals to consider how their behavior may affect others.
According to Decety and Jackson (2004), empathy involves both emotional sharing and perspective-taking. These are foundational to polite behavior, as one must anticipate and adjust to the emotions and expectations of others.
Furthermore, politeness requires executive function skills such as:
Inhibitory control: Restraining inappropriate impulses.
Working memory: Remembering social norms and cues.
Cognitive flexibility: Adjusting behavior across different contexts.
Benefits of Politeness
1. Enhanced Social Relationships
Politeness promotes smoother social interactions and reduces interpersonal conflict. According to Holtgraves (1992), polite behavior reduces threats to self-esteem and fosters mutual respect.
2. Improved Mental Health
Being polite and receiving polite treatment may improve emotional well-being. A study by Algoe et al. (2010) showed that gratitude and appreciation, forms of politeness, strengthen bonds and increase happiness.
3. Better Professional Outcomes
In workplaces, politeness improves collaboration, customer satisfaction, and conflict resolution. A Harvard Business Review article (Porath & Pearson, 2013) found that respectful treatment boosts productivity and employee engagement.
4. Cultural Bridging
Politeness acts as a bridge between cultures. Despite different expressions, the underlying principles of showing respect and consideration are near-universal. Research by Spencer-Oatey (2008) emphasized that effective intercultural communication relies heavily on understanding and applying appropriate politeness norms.
Politeness Across Cultures
While the core idea of politeness is universal, its expressions vary widely:
East Asian cultures (e.g., Japan, Korea): Emphasize hierarchical politeness, formal honorifics, and indirectness.
Western cultures (e.g., U.S., U.K.): Value individualism but still uphold courteous norms like punctuality and verbal politeness.
Middle Eastern cultures: Often demonstrate hospitality and ceremonial politeness as a sign of respect.
Hofstede’s Cultural Dimensions Theory (1984) explains how politeness can differ depending on factors like:
Power distance
Individualism vs. collectivism
Uncertainty avoidance
Understanding these cultural nuances is crucial for global communication and diplomacy.
Politeness in Language and Communication
Language is the primary vehicle of politeness. Linguistic politeness includes:
Hedging (e.g., “I might be wrong, but…”)
Tag questions (e.g., “It’s nice out, isn’t it?”)
Indirect speech (e.g., “Could you possibly…” instead of “Do it.”)
Use of modal verbs (e.g., “Would,” “Could,” “May”)
Tannen (1990) emphasized that conversational style, including pacing, interruption norms, and directness, plays a major role in how politeness is interpreted.
Challenges to Politeness in Modern Society
1. Digital Communication
Politeness often suffers in digital spaces where anonymity and lack of nonverbal cues prevail. Studies (e.g., Suler, 2004) reveal that the “online disinhibition effect” leads people to be ruder online than in person.
2. Cultural Misunderstandings
What is polite in one culture may be perceived as rude in another. For example, direct eye contact is respectful in Western cultures but can be confrontational in some Asian cultures.
3. Decline in Civility
Some researchers argue that politeness is declining in public discourse, influenced by political polarization, media sensationalism, and stress. This erosion can lead to increased incivility and social fragmentation.
How to Foster Politeness in Everyday Life
A. Education and Parenting
Teaching children empathy, emotional regulation, and respectful communication lays the foundation for polite behavior. Schools can incorporate social-emotional learning (SEL) to support these skills (Durlak et al., 2011).
B. Workplace Training
Politeness can be cultivated through professional development programs focused on communication, emotional intelligence, and diversity.
C. Mindfulness and Empathy Practice
Practices like mindfulness meditation have been shown to enhance empathy and reduce aggression (Kiken et al., 2015), making individuals more likely to behave politely.
D. Media and Role Models
Media representation and public figures play a significant role in shaping social norms. Promoting respectful dialogue in media can help reinforce politeness as a social value.
Politeness and the Brain
Neuroscientific studies offer fascinating insights into how politeness manifests in the brain. Functional MRI (fMRI) scans show that empathy-related behavior activates the medial prefrontal cortex and temporoparietal junction—regions associated with perspective-taking (Decety & Lamm, 2006).
Politeness also engages the limbic system, which governs emotion regulation, and the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and impulse control.
Conclusion
Politeness is more than a social nicety, it is a powerful tool for building trust, fostering cooperation, and maintaining harmony in a complex world. Backed by psychological, linguistic, and neuroscientific evidence, politeness serves both individual and collective well-being. In an era of increasing digital communication and cultural intersection, cultivating politeness is not just desirable, it is essential.
References
Brown, P., & Levinson, S. C. (1987). Politeness: Some Universals in Language Usage. Cambridge University Press.
Leech, G. (1983). Principles of Pragmatics. Longman.
Decety, J., & Jackson, P. L. (2004). The functional architecture of human empathy. Behavioral and Cognitive Neuroscience Reviews.
Holtgraves, T. (1992). The role of the cooperative principle and politeness theory in interpreting conversational implicatures. Journal of Pragmatics.
Algoe, S. B., Haidt, J., & Gable, S. L. (2010). Beyond reciprocity: Gratitude and relationships in everyday life. Emotion.
Porath, C., & Pearson, C. (2013). The Price of Incivility. Harvard Business Review.
Spencer-Oatey, H. (2008). Culturally Speaking: Culture, Communication and Politeness Theory. Continuum.
Hofstede, G. (1984). Culture’s Consequences: International Differences in Work-Related Values. Sage.
Tannen, D. (1990). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. Ballantine Books.
Suler, J. (2004). The online disinhibition effect. CyberPsychology & Behavior.
Durlak, J. A., et al. (2011). The impact of enhancing students’ social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis. Child Development.
Kiken, L. G., et al. (2015). From a state to a trait: Trajectories of state mindfulness in meditation during intervention predict changes in trait mindfulness. Personality and Individual Differences.
Decety, J., & Lamm, C. (2006). Human empathy through the lens of social neuroscience. The Scientific World Journal.